woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
