i just had sex bonerless
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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