So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
