You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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