3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna have a badass scar
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
