Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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