Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
