Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
