her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
