he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
should my penis look like a turkey
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
