At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
