When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
