Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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