I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We are two peas in an std pod
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
