At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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