either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I love having hate sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
