What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
