farters have to be the big spoon...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
