When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
