i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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