I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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