My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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