Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
