I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
COCAINE IS GR8
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
