Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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