when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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