You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
