whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
