How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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