is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
