I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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