u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
