i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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