census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
