he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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