Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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