i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
