Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
