New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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