who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
a search helicopter?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
