Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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