Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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