Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Plan B is the new Plan A
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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