i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I forget how to act sober
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
