gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
