I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
