She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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