I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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