he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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