Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
