my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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